Learning the right way to date….. …rocking with new insights!
IF YOU DON’T DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT YOU WON’T GET DIFFERENT RESULTS!
Hi to all our precious perfect partners – many of you asked what happened to our article last Friday (we were thrilled to know there are so many of you that missed it, and actually read our stuff! Many of you hate reading, maybe that is a long-standing problem that needs to be fixed, only by reading will you learn and change! We appreciate this even more when we see the amazing results from those of you that enquired, when we see you grow with this process and strive to find answers, self-examine, try to stop self-sabotaging and seek the light we always wish for you! This does not apply of course to our couples that find lasting love on a first date, you were ready! J) so apologies! LOL! we are making up for it now in a bumper article!
I was actually not feeling well at all these past few weeks, very unusual, and as it turned out, I had a huge bout of GOUT from my neck to my toes (ME?! believe me, no red wine either!), caused by high uric acid caused by stress after three months of technology nightmares! I am fighting fit again since I could treat the cause, not fight the symptom! We had told you of this IT issue before but stopped asking for patience – we just did our best and managed the problem, never missed a beat even though we are slightly behind in admin, and now I am happy to say that last Monday saw it all resolved, thanks to our own techie wizard who stepped up and helped our internationally renowned software engineers, who did not quite get how big we are and what we needed, with simple solutions! Thank you Gideon! KISS! We thank you again for your patience, and am sure you saw the steady flow of service this week – back to normal! One last thing on IT, we send profiles as we always have for 12 years in Outlook with jpeg photos, but something changed ‘out there’ with Microsoft, and YOU need to download the winmail.dat app if you cannot see the pics! Or speak to your IT people please! It is NOT us! So onwards and upwards!
Today’s theme is all about “SELF”, who are we? Are we happy with who we perceive ourselves to be? (In the context that if we don’t love and forgive ourselves, how can others? We all blame ourselves – or someone else – for failure, are we suffering guilt, is it real? Do we need to?) and as one of our brilliantly attuned members asked us musingly , “what is the shadow matching aspect, or ego-matching answer to this dating game?”. Hmmm, ego? yes, we all have ‘shadow personalities’ (the darker things, maybe, self-delusions, which may only be in our minds?) or alter-egos, and how we do bring it forth? Does ‘shame’ stop us from opening up? Many members here join us for some affirmation that someone out there will approve of, and love them….oh dear, then there are declines to meet, and a feeling of low-esteem from rejection sets in. How many of our darling members then look inwards for answers – or make it our fault? Some even believe we should ‘deliver’ like Mr. Delivery! We feel for every one of you guys, and yes, we see each and every one of you has some perfection, deep love to share, each of you we regard as unique, awesome individuals with much to offer, after all, we brought you on board because we felt we could help you – you are worthy!! Some of our partners may only appeal to a low percentage of our database’s criteria, we still do not give up on you!
Please know this! I hate making comparisons (like a Mother never compares her children) but proof is in the pudding, those of you that have looked after yourselves, mentally (reasonably sane! LOL!) spiritually and physically (not overweight for starters), have good health, beam positivity and confidence (even if you need to fake it until you make it) and respect your matchmaker, and are committed to sharing love (being able to give, not only receive) adapt and change, are meeting new prospects in droves – as much as you can handle! So we are NOT short of people – we may just not have what suits two parties equally in your equation! Your expectations may be out of whack with what single society has to offer ……it is very saddening for us when we hear members we like, trust and respect actually speak badly of us behind our backs…….it may just not be our fault! The toxic waves spread and you may be killing any desire by others then to join, who may be someone else’s perfect partner …..work with us, it pays off for all! Unhappy grumbles do not leave a positive impression with those you utter to …..it is self-sabotage too! They may nod and sympathise but secretly think ’”no wonder, you are one miserable xxxxx, always moaning with a superiority complex!!”…….
It is competitive out there, only YOU can improve the status quo! But also get your values right …….put the ego away and seek heart intelligence on what your desired outcome is, in your realistic niche market, think of years to come, not just the Friday night squeeze, or admiration from friends on your latest ‘acquisition’ and popularity (ego)….… a trophy/show piece? Good ravishing sex? A rescue? Someone who adores you? A clone of your ex? (then you still love them, y’ know!)…..or someone who has the same dreams as you for a happy future you can trust? Find that part of you that simply wants to find everlasting love …and you will find it…….when you fix and tweak your hardwiring – recode your microchips!
Rethink the dusty old blue print stuck in your head! Seek the real and not the fantasy ‘ideal’ ……be real yourself! And please do not decline in a flash because ‘not my look’ …….go out there and then PROVE you were right, without just assuming ‘not for me’ ….without expecting to find attraction off a simple basic profile and photos that are merely a snapshot in time, give everyone a chance ……I hate to say it, but if you are judging on photos alone, you have a problem, you do not understand your fellow humans very well, have little EQ or heart intelligence, and need visual stimulation, rather than a heart connection! And sometimes extroverts and introverts are a perfect mix! Do something different …….!!! Strangely, it is true, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” …so if you find a heart connection that person will be beautiful/hunky to YOU! In reality, how many truly visually “beautiful couples” do you know? Do you imagine you will be the next? Even Brad Pitt and Angelina were not so beautiful in the end …….and they had perfect looks! LOL!
So on that score, we thank our new affiliate coach Veronica from Recode, quite a few of you are speaking to her and results have been amazing already! Even those of you that have had therapists (or thinking about it) are saying this is a fast track to banish past imprinting, and get a new perspective of SELF. Veronica’s approach is very empowering, on weight loss, lack of ‘presence’ and poor image (real or perceived) anxiety/depression, old guilt, bad habits, self-repeating bad choices, fear of failing, improved performance in many areas …..is invaluable! I can only assist with your daily ‘experiential’ needs, but Veronica can help you find solutions, get to fix the cause, then there won’t be symptoms! (hee hee, as I learnt now with simple old gout!). She needs to hear what you NEED ….then figure how to sort, so please read her article hereunder, and watch her British radio interview…..and email her! It is totally confidential and I will only know anything if YOU tell me! I will never invade your sacred space.
I won’t apologise for the lengthy read as I think many of you will find time to read …and reflect! If you resonate with any of the elements of co-dependency in the first article, read Veronica’s piece, and write her that email! So happy ‘window shopping’ everyone, remember your feedback on latest dating, and more action next week!
Love and light …..and I seriously mean it, may your light be bright! Never too late to start again ….
6 symptoms of Co-dependency: The Disease of the Lost Self
by Deric Lewis
Co-dependency has been referred to as the disease of a lost self by psychologists. The term has been around for nearly forty years. It was originally used in conjunction with alcoholism. However, research began to uncover that co-dependent traits were more widespread throughout the general population than previously believed. To sum co-dependency up in a straight forward manner, there is imbalance, so one person is abusive or in control or supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. In other words, people lose their self in the interest of their partner. Although, co-dependency is not limited to romantic relationships. Co-dependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore. The role of a co-dependent person becomes a pseudo identity that takes the place of their real self. There are a few common identifiers that mark a co-dependent person or relationship. You need not possess all of the traits either.
1. Chronic Low Self Esteem
Feelings of inadequacy, like you’re just not good enough, or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise, a mask they wear for others. Self esteem is not about outer appearances, but rather, internal confidence. Some co-dependents actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.
2. Obsessive behaviour
Co-dependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their need to seek validation from others, along with irrational anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial of your co-dependency.
3. Poor or ineffective communication skills
Co-dependents have a hard time when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs, or expressing themselves in constructive ways. Often times, co-dependents don’t even know what they think, feel or need, and this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. It’s like constantly walking on eggshells. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” or “I need this,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing, as a result you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
4. They enable risky and dangerous behaviour
People in co-dependent relationships do a lot of things they don’t want to do, and shouldn’t do. They buy drugs for their partners. They make excuses for their bad behaviour. They do illegal or immoral things under the guise of keeping their partners happy. They know they shouldn’t, but they do these things anyway. It feels like helping in the moment, but it’s just more enabling. In fact, these are the types of people that co-dependents are attracted to. This attraction stems from the need to save another person from themselves. They often if not always find themselves in relationships with partners who are addicts, chronic underachievers, or emotionally abusive.
5. Playing the role of saviour
Co-dependents feel responsible for solving others’ problems. The co-dependent believes that help is needed and that the person in need cannot manage to make the right decisions or take the right actions to solve his or her own problems. These people are often frustrated in their relationships and exhausted from the amount of effort they are making, trying to fill a void. (Shannon says: we see many ‘stalkers” evolving from this!). They often sacrifice his/her own needs, to help others, then end up feeling bitter and resentful, ignored and unappreciated. They rarely obtain the love, recognition and approval they are seeking, because nobody can possibly give enough, or let them do enough to meet their deepest needs. to get help from a therapist or relationships counsellor so you can re-learn healthier behaviours.
6. Lack of or problems with intimacy
By this I’m not referring to physical intimacy, although sexual dysfunction is often a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. This ties in with the point about effective communication. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
VERONICA IS STANDING BY TO HEAR FROM YOU – PLEASE READ HER INPUT HEREUNDER
How is your dating life going? Are you getting out there, having fun, meeting new people and expanding your circle? Are you learning more about people – and yourself? And are you refining your search for an ideal partner? Or…do you find you are settling for people who seem okay, because you are not sure if you’ll find someone better…or you feel desperate to be in a relationship, so you’re going for the first person who’ll date you more than once? Or are you feeling pretty disillusioned about meeting the right person…you’re meeting people, but they’re just not pushing the right buttons?
We all know deep down that we deserve someone who understands us and will support us in our own life’s journey. We also deserve deep connection, on an emotional, mental AND physical level. Sometimes this can take a bit longer than we anticipated – and we get impatient! Maybe we even give up because we don’t believe we are going to find the partner of our dreams…after all, isn’t that unrealistic? Perhaps our past experiences confirm that! We may even try social media, or join an agency – then pass the lack of success on to our matchmaker as their fault, blaming them for our shortcomings, refusing to change and help the situation, whether mentally, spiritually or physically!
When I found myself at the end of my second marriage, I figured there was something going on other than just me making bad partner choices. Very often the experiences we are going through relate to deeper issues in our lives. We may not even be aware of what these are – I certainly wasn’t when I started on this journey! All I saw was that I had repeating patterns in my relationships that I just couldn’t seem to shake.
Here is an interview I did for a UK radio station that delves into this a bit deeper! Do enjoy, and drop me a line if you’d like to chat.
079 440 4395
Shift your energy!! Recode your patterns!!
We have some important news which is a big breakthrough for all of us! We have a new Affiliate, Veronica Haupt, founder of a truly fantastic coaching company working in a methodology calledEMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE recognised by global experts (see her website www.recode.co.za) that we found is hugely synergistic with our singles society’s needs from many points of view! It goes hand in hand with what we always mention to you guys, the problem of ‘imprinting’ (your subconscious triggers that may self-sabotage a chance to explore new dimensions) and how many people have an inbuilt terms of reference they automatically apply when making choices, i.e. “not my look” or even “not my type” or all kinds of weird reasons, which are conclusions with no reality or evidence, in fact, as every situation and individual is different! Are you really throwing opportunity away because you simply cannot ‘imagine’ anything different? Or have you lost the will to explore and discover new things, subconsciously choosing/seeking what you are familiar with, even if it was ‘bad’ for you before? Maybe you long for something you have not let go, like an ex? Maybe it is time to work on the deep underlying reasons why things are not changing for you!
Recode Your Life
Using energy psychology to recode our cellular memory – and change any aspect of our lives. EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, Healing Code, NLP.
On the premise that all of you have joined us as agents of change or wish to join our awesome database, change can only happen when you change what you doing, thinking or are feeling! (And sometimes, even how you ‘look’ may be what needs to change!). Veronica’s guidance relevant to us is on “Single to Soulmate” and deals with the very exact science of recoding our neurons, our ‘hardboard’ or ‘micro chips’ in our psyche (which is in fact a neuron pathology – our bodies grow neurons with everything new we learn, so when we do not learn new things, we only have the ‘same old’ as reference) and many people do not know how to literally recode their thinking/feeling patterns (heart intelligence we have spoken of many times, which is all energy from our neurons and chemistry) often not aware they are stuck in a dead end! Or worse, people expect change to be effected by ‘others’, not starting work on themselves first. I cannot explain it all here, but it is very, very interesting and if you identify with any of the below in her pamphlet, or simply are tired of your old ‘comfortable patterns’, a thrilling new methodology awaits – just call Veronica and find out more!
She may even plan an ‘orientation’ gathering for all interested parties to explain basics, then you can decide if you wish to attend workshops (very, very empowering and liberating in many ways as vital to personal growth) or have private sessions with her. Veronica is helping many people with addictions and cases of being stuck, and is also very successful on encouraging weight loss, through new mind control and recoding methods. Please take the time to explore – it is ground breaking and highly valuable, it can change just about everything in your life you wish to change, and you have an excellent expert guide! She is a para-psychologist working in OUR world, please explore! The universe applauds action, be positive! Please scroll down, for the story. Veronica is eagerly standing by – 079 440 4395, or email her email@example.com. Confidentiality is sacrosanct as always!
Love and light until next time and have a fabulous weekend, and remember, change starts from inside!
Single to Soul mate ½ day Workshop
Have you been longing to find your soulmate and live a life of connection and love? Maybe love has eluded you so far and you want to give up… or you’re just back on the dating scene but are nervous of making the same mistakes as before.
There are often reasons why we have not succeeded at love. The field of Energy Psychology fortunately gives us a way of finding what these are – and recoding our patterns so they don’t repeat.
If you can relate to any of the following, this ½-day Single to Soulmate workshop is for you:
- Your new partner turns out to be just like your ex – even if you were purposefully trying to find someone exactly the opposite!
- Something always seems to be missing in the partners you land up with. They’re okay, but you long for more.
- Your partners land up having really bad qualities you DON’T want; and even if you try to avoid these, they always seem to come out in the end…
- You’ve lost hope that the partner of your dreams exists, and that you will find them
- You’re afraid that you’re not ready to date yet; that you’ll mess it up, or that you’re not good enough for the fabulous people you’re going to meet; or the people you date won’t find you attractive
- You think there are no good women/men out there; that all the good ones are taken!
You’re not sure if you’re over your ex yet
During the workshop you will discover:
- Why we are often subconsciously attracted to the wrong people – and how to change this.
- Your Ideal Partner – identify what you are really looking for in your ideal partner, so you are able to recognize them when they walk into your life! This also stops you from choosing someone missing one or 2 traits that are really important for you – and you only discover once you’re already involved.
- Limiting Beliefs we may have about ourselves, other people, the world and what we deserve. These beliefs can be powerful enough to sabotage our attempts to find the partner of our dreams.
- Your fears around love – what are we afraid of that may be subconsciously holding us back?
- Getting over your ex – a powerful exercise that will help you forgive and move on. No matter what feelings (whether good or bad!) you still harbour for your ex, you can be free from them – and feel only gratitude and appreciation for the part they played in your life. You will no longer be held back in your next relationship by old feelings of resentment, bitterness or even missing them.
And best of all – you will be learning a tool that you can apply to relationship issues you may have with your new partner!
Date: Sat 5th Nov / Sun 13th Nov / Sat 3rd Dec 2016
Venue: Bryanston, Sandton
Time: 9am – 2pm
Cost: R1250 pp, incl. snacks
To book: Please email Veronica your preference for dates. Once enough numbers are confirmed and for which dates, she will send payment instructions: firstname.lastname@example.org
The Perfect Partners Team offer a Professional Matchmaker Service with Dating Tips, Advice and Support for Elite Singles. We are a Professional Dating Service.
- Like any game, the game of love has rules! What are deal makers and deal breakers?
- Before you set out to find your perfect match, know who YOU are and what is your value add?
- Learn how to present yourself in a new way that brings changes you desire. You want change, don’t you?
- How do I learn to date? The difference between online dating and a professional dating agency.
- How to make positive change by trying a new approach to life in general….people notice when you are ‘available’!
- Marketing yourself is very important – you will learn what attracts and what does not.
- Know ‘who’ you want to meet and be realistic if this is possible or not, or even exists in a normal world.
- What are the basic 4 personality types out there and what do you keep attracting, the good, the bad and the ugly?
- Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?
- How NOT to set yourself up for unrealistic expectations, either from your Matchmaker, or The One.
- How to understand the language of the opposite sex!
- Understand the needs of men particularly – cowboys can cry too!
- What is the truth? Are men intimidated by strong women?
- Can a women be ‘her own person’ and still accept the ‘protection’ of her mate?
- How to get from the phone to the first date.
- All the tips on how to flirt without being tacky or lecherous.
- Why your ‘dates’ feel like business meetings!
- The secrets to good open communication – every relationship is based on this.
- How to let go of old attachments and move on……Starting Over.
- How to stop blaming yourself for failure! Are you merely a victim of blame?
- The secret to the 5 Phases of Love…..The Journey.
- How to stop old self-sabotaging habits and fit yourself into a new Single’s world.
- How to makes your needs known without sounding desperate or needy.
- How to draw your boundaries – because you are worth it!
- If being loved, approved of and being supported is your goal, learn how to earn this.
- How to make new friends, socialise and network with likeminded others, until love finds you!
- Seize this opportunity to have new fun in a safe environment.
- Learn the difference when using a personal introductions agency, as this is not a professional dating site like internet!
- Learn how to save time and precious effort by knowing more about someone before you meet!
- Learn how to choose wisely and not fall victim to shallow motives and instant gratification!
……..and much more!! Your team at Perfect Partners is standing by ……please enquire by contacting us!
The elements I work with transcends dress size in my clients transformation process.
This is a 4 week package, where we go into detail around the following things.
Each session consist of a 1 hour Skype intensive ( SA based clients I can meet in person if they so choose ) Gauteng, Pretoria and surrounds only!
Please note the package is customisable in terms of its structure with time but the content remains the same. Hence nothing is cast in stone as I work around the availability of my client.
– review existing wardrobe
– what we need to get rid of
– stylish pieces we need to add to current wardrobe
Body Shape Analysis
– analysing your body shape
– what to wear for your body shape
– dressing for your unique style & personality
Colour Analysis & Accessories
– analyse your season or colour commodity
– your best colours to wear
– complimentary accessories
Hair & Make-up analysis
– flattering hairstyle to suit your face shape
– recommended hair colour
– make-up routine
– custom personal plan