Hi dear Helena,
We did receive your sad email lamenting your lack of confidence and wanting to take a break from this so-called single’s dating, which is NOT what we do, we matchmake!! I needed time to think it through before answering though, as honestly, why would you have any barriers? Our matchmaking is very accurate so you know what to expect. Your imprinting from previous experiences is a poison that dwells in your well! You honestly need to see it in a positive light – merely experiences to make you wiser, to up your own game to find better men who are really genuine and seeking a life investment – as all our guys are! Your self-confidence could do with a huge boost ……..take yourself in hand and do something different and just start to live with an attitude of gratitude! Confidence, even if introverted, is very attractive. Why do you keep doing/looking/saying the things over, if they don’t work for you! If you want change, you need to do something different. Unlike other dating sites we are carefully screening new members for stumbling blocks to get everyone on a happy same page.
We have to put your age on your profile (one of the reason great guys join us is because of our honesty – we don’t play with delusions like internet! They will meet you regardless if they like your profile, and so far you have done well). Intelligent men are happy to meet ladies of their own age – we have a case right now where a guy 6 years younger than her is crazy about her but she is too nervous about the age difference to pursue it – so it happens both ways if the lady has the goods! If you are ‘ashamed’ of your age, it will show, and you will be targeted by younger men who are too immature or unstable, or even emotionally unbalanced, and that will never work. Paper age in older men is purely that ….men your age or older have very young spirits because they look after themselves……and that is what counts, are you demonstrating joie de vie and relaxed inner happiness? Do you come across as mal-content with life …….so putting them off? You may not be a good communicator, but honestly, try to talk more easily…….the only reason you don’t open up is your lack of confidence ….so it becomes a vicious circle of self-sabotage. Online dating is infamous for fraud which drives intelligent singles to a professional matchmaker.
Do you read our coaching ……..much has been sent out of this crippling habit! You may be attracting the very things or type of men you do NOT want! You will keep attracting the negatives ….because that is the law of attraction …life is a mirror reflection of what we are, and we draw that to ourselves which we put out.
When a man appears opinionated it is often because he is trying to IMPRESS you!! Bless them, we have to have a fine ear to discern between opinionated and simply impressing especially if he is trying to get you give your opinions – men love mental stimulation actually! What IS bad is when a perfectly intelligent guy closes down and has NOTHING to say …….then he does not want to engage, he wants to do a runner!
You may be about 10kgs over the norm for your height – losing this weight will help your confidence too! Despite this, every guy we have introduced you to bar one, I think, has overlooked it! Bloating does not make one overweight – it is what you put in your mouth dearest! Comfort eating is an emotional need. All part of a ‘new you’ would be to start giving yourself more love and care, and show it by looking after yourself! Most eligible guys also know instinctively that if a lady looks after herself, her car, her house, her significant others, she will also care for and can take care of HIM!
A last thought …..are you may be going through a hormonal change? You could be clinically depressed? It may be very good to test your blood for hormone levels, and even see a therapist. You really are young and lovely and should not be in this negative frame of mind!! Although, it seems the men you have known were definitely not good investments either, which would depress the bejesus out of any upstanding lady! LoL!!
The other thing is your imagination – make it your friend and not your enemy!!! When meeting a new friend see it as a real God given gift …….and a privilege to meet really, really decent guys, not idiots! You are simply making new friends ….not going to sleep with them or marry them until a lonnnnnnnng courtship process, by which time ‘he’ is no longer a stranger!!! Just relax and put your best foot forward …..and in any event you don’t really like him, you exit graciously, no harm done!
Happiness is a frame of mind dearest, fake it till you make it! Smile, laugh, open your mouth ……..let people know Helen exists! Do and say kind things …there is no bigger reward than giving as you will receive in turn what you give out!
So apologies for the late response, and hopefully you can rethink “who is Helena and what does she want from love and life?” and find new answers! We can do some supportive coaching until you ready – and hold all intros, just let us know. Remember, though, time waits for no man – or woman! In April you turn 50 ……..a whole new world will await. Your contact with us does lapse in December, although we can officially extend by the months you take off…….and we would then need a new photo shoot.
Much love and light,