Hi Shannon and the PPI Team,
I am so happy that I have met my perfect partner through you guys but now I am very worried about introducing my new Significant Other to my sons. As you know I was widowed 3 years ago and it has been a time of adjustment and change, and I am ready for the next chapter as I am too young and vibrant to remain single for the rest of my life! Please advise how best to break the good news to my adult boys!
Thanks for sharing this little dilemma with us dear Mary, and the best thing to do maybe call a family meeting and tell your sons that Mom has to move on in life because you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone, especially your old age, and a companion is normal under the circumstances, and would they be happy for you to have a well-selected friend?
If they object, deal with their objection without getting emotional or subjective – remain objective, and understand with infinite love that they are only worried about your future and love you passionately, and only should want what is best for you.
Being honest up front is the only way to go, and they need to realise that no human being is meant to be without a soul mate, it is not God’s plan that we be single. They too must have mates or are seeking mates, and appeal to them from the point of view that nobody ‘owns’ anybody but the bond of family remains the strongest bond between a mother and her sons, and nothing will change, except that it will make you very happy to have an ADULT companion in your life now.
Assure them that their father has a very special part in your heart, and memories are wonderful, but life has to go on and he would have hated to think you are lonely and without companionship – as he always only wanted to do the best for you and the boys! They will, as their lives progress, also move on from the close knit bond you now have, but it won’t change the depth of it.
Life is about change and we have to develop as a species, and moving forward is inevitable, otherwise you may just as well curl up and die! Make them see the practical and logical flow of events. Tell them you have made a friend, and would like them to meet him one day (take it slowly) because you want their blessings – and assure them they will always be the most important persons in your life, no man can take their place.
Appeal to them, once they give ground, to stand by you and support you because you NEED them! Now more than ever! Tell them also that your assets will be safe and you will never risk their inheritance – they may be worried about gold diggers or a man taking what is not his! Or hurting you – and if that aspect comes up, tell them that hurt and the pain of change must be endured by us all in order for growth to happen! And you know they are there for you if anything changes!
I hope the above advice will help dear Mary, and wish you luck – they will be very cross if you live a lie and don’t tell the truth, so it is best to come clean, in the nicest possible ‘mommy way’! let me know how it goes,
Love and light as always,