Cosmo Interview – Vital Questions about the Singles Dating Landscape

1. Do many people make use of your service?

It depends on what people observe as many! Where ever we go we are surrounded by thousands of “others”, but WHICH ONE IS “THE ONE” for YOU, and that is why it pays to have your own personal, bespoke “recruiter” for professional matchmaking. Considering there are only some 5 million taxpayers in the country (and we work with the upper income group) and also have a basic entry criteria that prospects must be employed, have something to offer in a relationship, and have a good education or are successful in their career or in business, then yes, a few thousand people cross our path over a year, from all sectors and cultures, and because we have a quick turn-around (we hook up couples weekly, so newbies need to replace them constantly) we get a fair share of wonderful new members in a revolving door scenario. People who can afford us, join us! We work to our maximum output daily! We sadly need to reject some 30% of enquiries because they will not fit in or cannot afford us.

2. How is matchmaking better than online dating?

A good matchmaker makes it her business to get to know EACH member well, their dreams, realities and hopes for the future, so can scour a solid database for individual, compatible and well matched singles, in order to act as the go-between, as a friend of both parties, and introduce them. They then have a right to accept or decline. As every member is well screened, it takes out 90% of risk factor, a safe environment is secured, transparency on profiles and photos, guaranteed. People pay for screening, recruiting and seeking out appropriate matches, and usually at least with a 50% accuracy for “two strangers” to find synergy, half the battle is won, because they liked what they saw and are agreeable TO MEET AND CHECK IT OUT.

Online dating is fun, but much hanky-panky, games and agendas abound, and most people there are so insecure they pretend to be what they are not! Safest bet is get a personalised dating agency and bespoke service where you have recourse to a human (the matchmaker) than rely on electronics, rather outsource all the hard work, if you are fussy about who you let into your sacred space, heart or bed!

Love and romance leaves us all feeling warm and fuzzy, it is human make-up, but there are people out there who trade on human weakness, and there can be a very dark side to dating – online is a breeding place for scammers that prey on the most vulnerable! Also, we like to believe we are all sane and reasonable, but it is a fact mental and emotional illness abounds! A matchmaker is trained to know ….never judgmental though, as many – not yet ready – singles can be offered coaching and help, to prepare to find lasting love, the right way! A matchmaker takes responsibility – even if it is fun, it is a life changing and serious mission.

3. What are some of the biggest challenges you’ve noticed singles face with the dating scene in South Africa?

Singles often have not really scoped out their own landscape!! Where do they find access to other singles? What is it they want? Is it out there? How much time do they have to search and research? Where is it? it is NOT simply, here is a man, here is a woman, there needs to be common bonds, similar lifestyles, beliefs systems, cultural beliefs, dreams for the future, and much more! They NEED to be introduced! It is a global fact that personal introductions have at least a 71% success rate!

People often do not face who they are themselves, they seek the ideal and not the real! They often do not stop to ask  – What is the reason I am single? So getting out of denial is the first step to being real! Many singles are frantic with feeling “alone” and think short term, just to get past another lonely weekend, they do not project into the future! Getting past instant gratification (also because of sexual needs) is the biggest challenge as they need firstly a strategy, an image that will attract that which they seek to engender possible permanent interest, and to know their own desires – is it just a passionate interlude, or “until death do us part”? People hop from bed to bed because they are impatient to find out about their new love interest… and it all blows up, which can be avoided! Improved – people skills, which a professional matchmaker will impart, are sorely needed!! Ego is their downfall!! What they need is heart intelligence! And application with heart intelligence!

4. Do you have any recent statistics about singles in South Africa?

Not really, but we know 3 in 5 marriages end in divorce!! Usually because of bad choices in the first place! The younger generations (the Millenials and some Generation X) are late starters, so there are more never-marrieds under 38 than ever before!! They are very fearful of bad choices, as lesson learnt from previous generations! Fewer singles are committing to marriage, but happy to live together, as laws are prohibitive. I would say there are far more singles in this era than ever before! AND still, everyone deserves and needs real love and approval, and are seeking it! We do know there exists a niche for everyone, and they cannot be lumped together as a merry bunch of SINGLES!

5. Which parts of SA do most of the people using your service come from?

As we service a niche market of professional singles, executives, VIPS and generally positive and corporate singles, they need to be in the active economic arena, so they are mostly going to be found in the economically strongest areas where opportunity and reward are found, like Johannesburg, or even Pretoria. Coastal areas are more laid back and many professional singles do join us from these areas, and even some people from the country, who commute to the major centres often! The Northern Suburbs of JHB are the busiest as it provides the lifestyle discerning singles seek! We have many farmers in remote areas, happy to import a partner, like ‘n boer soek ‘n vrou!! We have had members in the USA successfully married off, , and our members are now with them, new USA citizens. Anything is possible, if requests are feasible! We even have had members from the Arctic Circle! Anywhere is fine if they commute to the major centres often.

6. What city in SA do you think has the most romantic potential for singles?

Any city has romantic potential! People create their own romance! But somewhere along the line, romantic holidays in the Cape seem to be a favourite! Johannesburg is vibrant and fast paced, cosmopolitan and universal, so there exists a sexually charged environment, until a couple wish to hole up! The Big Question is – are people aware what romance is? a matchmaker tells …

7. What are people doing wrong when dating?

Singles have unrealistic expectations!! They have preconceived notions on what they NEED, not what they will GET! We need to break this down to the gender groups, even age groups! Generally though, men tell me daily women have lost their feminine goddess, are obsessed with power and even competing with men, as men simply want a woman to cherish, love and serve, even admire (strong and independent women are appreciated) and “protect”, but not when their power and success are used as a weapon to destroy men’s divine masculinity!

And women wonder then why men “use” them? And women in general do not give a good man a chance to grow in the relationship, to learn what she likes (he will knock himself out for her if she is gracious, people must adapt and transform) and to understand “female speak”, women need to find solid potential, then gently change his dress code if he has no idea, as an example!! Men realise, unless they are practiced Players or Gigolos (or worse, married!), they are a bit clumsy in the courtship game, women need to be more tolerant!

Women condemn men outright that do not instantly meet their ideals, not realising he can quickly become what she wants, without bullying him, or belittling him – and men fear being laughed at! Too much emphasis is made on outward appearance, singles are not looking deep enough for solid values. Communication is key – and NOT on electronic devices!! It boggles the mind that people can fall in love when they have never even met – yes, it is happening more and more! cyber love is here… and avatars abound! So what is wrong? GET REAL! Whether we like it or not, men are crucial to the equation, women have to win their confidence back!

Too many awesome bachelors ask me daily “Where have the REAL women gone? Please tell me you have NORMAL ladies if I join… And REAL women are asking – What has happened to chivalry and courtship, and don’t men believe in romance, where are the REAL men?So maybe the answer is: if women behaved like “real” women, then men will behave like “real” men!! ERGO! Your matchmaker tells…

8. Are there any common misconceptions about the dating scene in South Africa?

There are possibly many misconceptions!! Single men and women are everywhere but they do not “see” each other! The notion is that there are many guys around, so just go online, some hunk will fall over himself to meet you soonest! Really? Or guys see all the gals around, same thing… but NO! People need to be compatible. So back to the matchmaker!! Thousands of singles. But only one, just ONE, right for you!! Unless you have a strong magnet, the haystack is full of needles! Everyone has CHOICES! Competition is tough! In this day and age everyone is health conscious, you can’t look like the back end of a bus and expect to match the front end of a Maserati! AND there is a right “bus” waiting for you instead …!!

9. What advice do you have for single South African women looking for The One?

Ladies!! All those amazing and awesome single women out there we love so much – remember we outnumber good men 10 – 1, discerning, decent and eligible men want a lifetime investment of love and happiness, not to rescue you, you need to be whole and “complete” already (or get help first before you go on the market!) and they can pick and choose more than we can!! Do not be self-important as love needs humility! Look like a woman, talk like a woman, behave like a woman (you know, the archetype: gentle, loving, kind and supportive +)… men will notice! And never forget men are visual, their very libido depends on visual stimulation … look good, lose weight, grow your hair, smell nice! Be POSITIVE! Your matchmaker knows what men dislike most, even if it is the brutal truth and hard to hear! Have a workable game plan. Your professional matchmaker will guide!

ADVICE TO ALL: rewire your “hardware”, lose bad subconscious imprinting and memories, put the past behind you – move forward into a positive new future by seeking an expert on dating, a professional matchmaker, and get a new strategy going with great new energy! There are eligible singles out there waiting to meet YOU!

Love and light to all,


Matchmaker/Date Coach