Do I suck at Dating?

Shannon, an expert matchmaker and date coach who assists serious Singles in the games of love can guide and help find the answers to their seemingly endless search for love. Today we share an article by a well know relationship coach who offers his services to our members. Thank you, Eytan!

Working as a dating coach mainly with Single men (and women wanting to understand their men), I encounter a common “problem”; when things start to get serious and intimate, the man pulls back seemingly unexpectedly. Perhaps he is scared or maybe he needs to pause and check in with himself before deciding to get more serious. Regardless of the reason he withdrew, if he is unable to communicate this to the woman he is dating this may leave her feeling rejected and unsafe. Is this feeling a sign that it’s time to get out? Is there something wrong with the man? Is he incapable, unwilling, immature and/or unromantic? Or was he a player?

The Dating Was Magical – Suddenly Silence – 3 Main Reasons A Man May Disappear

In a recent blog I read, the writer offers three signs’ women should look out for to avoid this ‘kind of man’ and only ever open her heart to a serious, romantic-minded man ready for commitment. His three danger signs are:

1. He cares a lot about what other people think of him.
2. He pulls away for mysterious reasons.
3. He avoids conflict at all costs.

I will get to those “signs” in a moment, but first, if you long and yearn and will EVER open your heart to a serious, romantic-minded single guy ready for commitment – where would you find this perfect specimen? How would you identify any serious single guys when dating and searching to find love again – how would you identify them from the crowd of mere mortal men?

When Dating And Mutual Attraction Works And Gives Love Start

Is it not the road one needs to travel to arrive at the place where both are more romantic, serious, and committed? It’s not as if she is going to ask him, “are you romantic-minded, serious and ready for commitment?” on the first date, without watching him head for the door before dessert is served. That is the last question any single lady should ever ask! He has to earn your trust and you both have to negotiate your needs, then being truly serious becomes an option.

When Lust And Wishful Thinking Blind Us – Do We Suck At Dating?

Intimacy can be understood as ”in-to-me-see”. Through our engagement with each other, sharing, getting emotionally naked, being real, you will, in time see into me in a way that no other does. That is scary and vulnerable, and I need time to get to know and trust you, as you need the same from me. SINGLE MEN ARE ALSO VULNERABLE! A single lady will gift a guy she really is attracted to the chance to court, hunt and woo her full attention. Did she do the same for him?

As we get close to sharing our inner essence, that secret place that we hide from the world, it is inevitable that he might touch it and pull away. When he does, you should have the good sense to know that you are getting closer to each other, that your presence is having an impact on his inner life. It is in fact a clear sign that you are touching a part of him that he usually keeps locked up and safe. Allow him some grace to pull back, it is the natural response to an intense connection.

How Does A Single Lady Keep The Attention Of Her New Love?

What he does after pulling away will determine whether he has the capacity or will to risk himself, show up despite the fear of intimacy, because he likes you. He can’t yet say why, but he just knows it, and that is the knowledge of the heart. Logic takes a back seat, and the seeds of a real relationship are born. Each time he returns another seed is sown.

The ‘signs’

1. He cares a LOT what other people think of him.
   Is this really a sign that you should abort? I have personally not met many people in the world who do not care what others think of them. We all arrive with our unique set of hang-ups and insecurities. We have all been wounded by circumstance. Our need to enter a meaningful relationship is driven by the desire to find ourselves within these wounds, character traits, incongruencies and inferiorities. Through our intimacy, nakedness, and willingness I will find myself and you will find yourself.
2. He pulls away for mysterious reasons.
   How lucky for you! The man before you, whom you want to get to know intimately, is mysterious and unpredictable, from time to time. I suggest you might have a man of substance on your hands. I hope you feel unnerved now and then, I hope you feel as if the carpet underneath your feet might disappear. That is the true mystery of love, romance and stuff that makes for a long and nourishing relationship. It is the music to the erotic dance that you are risking yourself to dance to. It is also most human. We are mysteries, unknowable and unpredictable.
3. He avoids conflict at all costs.
   Indeed, this might be a problem. Before tossing him to the curb, as my colleague suggests, I would suggest you find out how he deals with conflict. We all have our chosen weapons. For some, it is full-frontal, gloves off, 12 rounds. While others find their way in the more subtle art of Tai Chi. Deflect, avoid, and side-step. You might need or want the intensity and he might need the peace. He might need to explode and throw things, while you need to talk about it quietly. That is why it’s called a relationship.

Our Matchmaker Is The Best Interpreter Of The Love Game!

Our relationships are a paradox. Their purpose in our lives is often a contradiction. We seek them out to fill a gap in our lives, not knowing how they might do that. They guide us deeper into our essence and our inferiorities. If you are looking for the depth within them then look for the one who has the courage to hold a mirror up for you so that you can see yourself in relation to him and do the same for him. This is the magic and mystery that creates the erotic dance that we seek within the paradox.
Thank you, Eytan for sharing those insights from a male point of view and we do agree, there are very real reasons a guy will suddenly disappear, and it is clear it is over. As Matchmakers, we see the same patterns over and over and we can help because prevention is better than cure! Please submit your personal profile today and we will book a call for your free orientation chat. We can also connect you with Eytan, he is also standing by!

Sending love and light, and looking forward to our chat!
Shannon, Eytan and the Team

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