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“Red Flags” have become a common dating term – But what about “Pink Flags”?

A Great Article on how to manage expectations in the Flush of a New “Love Interest.”

Happy Friday, all our awesome and valued prospective perfect partners, and what a busy week for all!! Everyone has been proactive and positive, and thanks for always being great team players! With 3+ hours of load-shedding a day it cuts a week’s work time in half – we are working around it as best possible. Also, the internet gets crazy – so please respond so we know you received our emails.

We have officially passed the mid-year mark, and we are so aware of the count down to the end of the year (silly season and holidays and everything else in between), so we would love to see everyone really exploring all prospects and getting plans together – a deserved rest is just around the corner. We are more aware than most of how time flies!

Today we are sharing a really great article with a few interesting links on PINK FLAGS – something new to consider in the new dating language.

LATEST TRENDS IN THE DATING WORLD

We spent some time researching this as the latest trends show us that many newly dating Singles are sometimes just not very SURE if a new love interest is The One – often we jump the gun and go too fast only to find the other party was not quite on the same page! Especially if they are intimate too soon. It is never a judgement, but simply, what is important? The quick thrill or getting to know if you have found your soulmate? It takes time.

This can lead to some stress, disappointment and even self-doubt, so this is VERY helpful in managing expectations. A good example is our ladies’ experiences when a guy looks pretty interested and keeps up a proactive communication – then suddenly goes quiet or is seen ghosting. Is this then true? Can it be? what happened? Oh, the agony of worry and sleepless nights!!

We mention our lovely ladies here because as they have gifted the guys the chance to impress, hunt and court, there is little they can do except showing the guy the door is open to more dating and she is happy to see how it develops.

“Hunting” is a male privilege, and a lady is not apt to be pushy! Of course, we assume she has encouraged attention and brought her part because mutual interest is buzzing!

Is he still interested, or am I being Ghosted?

But what cooks then when there is deafening silence from his side? It can happen to guys too, but this is not the usual pattern in the games of love because most ladies have the courtesy to tell a guy that there is no real spark, as much as she likes him, they will not have a future.

Hint to the guys: please do not play us out!! If you feel you have cooled off, kindly let us know so we can move on. Thanking the lady for her time and wishing her well in finding a loving partner is all it takes  😊

What are “Pink Flags – are they dealbreakers or not?

Dating can involve a lot of… assessment (at your dating agency, we call it exploring your landscape and expanding your framework of reference), particularly at its critical beginning stages. When we start looking for love again, we decode texts, re-run conversations in our heads, do a ‘forensic’ on every sign, consult our friends and Google everything, and are on high alert for just about any reason to run off. Fact is, when are you truly dating?  It is NOT until you mutually agree to try it and go exclusive. So “Pink Flags” are in fact, the markers or “maybe/maybe not” that you have to figure out.  Instinct is terrific but beware of overthinking!

Please Google “The Three Date Rule” to see why it is important to truly engage with someone before you assess.

 When looking at a potential match, there’s a lot to look out for in the early days. Even when things are casual, we tend to shift into detective mode, sniffing out about anything we can about a person. Sure, we want to get to know the person we’re letting into our lives and bedrooms, but we’re also sussing out what we’re getting from this person and if there’s anything about our dynamic together that could spell the end before it’s even begun.

 Things could be going great, you’ve got all the butterflies and sparks, but then you find out that they have a “crazy ex”, or they are not over their ex, they’re a little too into the gym or hell, maybe you’re not quite in sync physically…….traits that aren’t necessarily bad per se, but do set off a soft alarm in the back of our minds, enough for us to step back and reassess. Cue the uncertainty.

These are pink flags and modern dating is full of them.

What are pink flags?

While red flags refer to the signs that should have us running for the nearest exit, pink flags aren’t as obvious. They’re the subtle characteristics that don’t quite sit well with us but are still minor enough that we could convince ourselves they’re just something we can deal with. After all, relationships are about compromise, right?

For the most part, pink flags just become something you end up accepting, especially when you’re not looking for a relationship or are happy to keep things casual enough that these things don’t really bother you. They become an issue when we reach the stage when it’s either time to ride it out or take an exit route.

As an evolutionary instinct, we’re bound to look out for what’s not good for us, and it’s better to be wary than habitually making excuses for shitty people, but sometimes we use pink flags to discount people that could be good for us.

 How do we get over pink flags?

Getting over pink flags requires some introspection. No matter how fresh the relationship is, if something is alarming you about a date, that’s worth investigating. No matter how small, or how much your friends convince you it’s nothing to worry about, if it speaks to an issue you feel will only get worse over time, i.e. they’re a bit of a workaholic or don’t do anything without consulting The Boys or Mommy, they are a little OCD or obsessive, clingy or aloof,  the concern is valid.

On the other hand, if your gut is telling you that you’re overreacting, then it’s possible to get around them. The key to sorting the quirks from the incompatibilities really comes down to context. People are complicated and messy, and there’s reason behind our madness. Maybe they’re overly frugal, but it comes from financial trauma as a kid. There’s always more than meets the eye, and we all have baggage, it’s just a question of whether you can work with each other’s.

Maybe they’re a really shitty texter. This can be fine if they love to spend much time with you and don’t mind a phone call. Where it’s not as fine is when they’re on their phones the entire time you’re together and are distant when you’re not.

Or say they’re best friends with their ex. Is it a healthy friendship, from your observations? Or do you see the sparks of unfinished business and co-dependency? If you’re still confused, despite multiple in-depth chats with friends, family and therapists, what you really need is to switch the communication channel to, well, them. Talk to them! Voice your concerns in a way that doesn’t antagonise them. You don’t want to come from a place of judgement, or as if the way you live is objectively different (better or worse?) than someone else’s, but try to work out if it’s something that they’re aware of, and if they also see it as an incompatibility.

We’re told that the beginning is the best bit, that it’s the ‘honeymoon period’ and should be easy. But if we don’t open ourselves up to the unexpected or even bother looking a little deeper, we might just be setting ourselves up for disappointment. Relationships will always involve compromises and frustrations — we just need to find our own line between expanding our minds and settling. And it also needs negotiation and even setting some boundaries. This is where your Date Coach is beneficial.

While they’re confusing, pink flags ultimately make things clearer in the big picture. Even if you’re not entirely sure what it is you want in a partner, these situations are great for teaching us what we don’t want, which is not a bad place to start. And remember, we all have our own pink flags, so always show a little empathy.

Until next week then, please stay safe (it is weird without masks but still be careful) and stay warm – and we look forward to more action next week!! Loadshedding is impacting, but we plan to make up for a lost time!

Sending love from our hearts to yours, until next time!!

Shannon and the Team

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