Date Coach helps manage Expectations when dating

by Perfect Partners

Dating Expectations are the enemy of passion

Let’s be honest, we all have them, a long list spanning from hair colour, breast size, type of guy, good teeth, money in the bank, the list goes on and on. For each expectation, a small part of curiosity dies. Curiosity in the other as a human with his or her quirks, unpredictable responses, unique ways, interesting ideas, and that strange way she makes me feel when we are together. It is expectations that rob us of the magic we seek in life and in the other.

A measure of faith when dating

Faith that he or she is in my life right now because it is supposed to be just so. Faith that I don’t know everything, which leaves me with curiosity as my guide.

There is a lovely Jewish tale: the Rabbis are discussing the meaning of life and God, as they tend to do. The question is asked, what is God doing, now that the world has been created? Eventually, after much discussion, it is agreed that God must be matchmaking. In other words, it is not me and my expectations that produced this union with him or her, but rather it was a dose of faith that if I get myself out of the way something magical might happen.

With faith comes surrender. With expectation comes control.

When it comes to love, real, deep, juicy love, surrender is the river one needs to be carried by. Surrender from within. Not to the other but to life. Not as a dependent child and not as a sacrificial lamb. A slow process of conscious surrender to her, to life and to the knowledge that I am human. Fallible, imperfect, part kind and part cruel, part loveable and part not, as is she. Surrender to the expectations that I deserve… it is my right… it is owing to me… That it is my ability to control love that makes love possible. It is not!

It is to life that one surrenders, to her beauty and power, to art and creativity, to a sunset that makes you pause. It is the surrender to life in order to live erotically and offer that to the one you love.

Before you is a mystery, as you are a mystery.

We all have expectations, it is what we do with them that stands between us. Leave those expectations at home and meet this person as a human being, a fresh canvas and a mystery. Leave those expectations at home and develop your capacity for curiosity, faith, surrender and the joy of just being you, for you too are a mystery to be discovered and loved.

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