Single and Alone – Dealing with rejection & Stress

Nov 22, 2022 | Blogs, Date Coach

We trust everyone is busy and also finding time for yourself as the year draws to a close! Love is waiting to find you!

When dating intentionally, you need to make it like a “second job” and make the time! It is a Project you have invested in. The search is intentional and not just a filler for when we are bored. No new “love interest” is going to stick around long if you are always busy, busy, busy!

But, are we really busy….. or just bluffing ourselves we have to seem busy to not look insignificant or boring. Truly productive people have plenty of quality time for their real needs….and they get things done with little chaos.

Everyone feels a little anxious on “being good enough” when you like someone and hope for a ‘yes’ too, so by being open-minded and courageous and giving love a chance, the universe will reward….they are yearning just like you and positivity works all round.J

Love finds us when we are authentic

Indeed, why is it so difficult to find love? It should come naturally and easily, not so? Today we examine the possibility that sometimes we REJECT (coping mechanism) any real chance of finding love because we are suffering rejection anxiety, or fear criticism or even hurtful reaction from others. (Reptilian Brain – fight or flight? ‘Let me kill you before you kill me”?).

We all try to be perfect, from the day we took our first steps we were encouraged to do better, be better and be the BEST!  But who says what is the best? By whose standards? The encouragement often came with harsh comparisons – look at your brother, he is awesome!  See how your sister wins every time – strive to be like her! Sometimes outdated family/cultural/societal tunnel vision stunted our creativity to explore life, but times have changed. Sure, and there are very real “standards” and those do apply….if you are your best it is good enough!

Do we become “people pleasers” without consciously knowing it?  That means we really are seeking constant approval, not so? We feel unsure of ourselves and a little insecure? Negativity is self-prophesizing gloom!

The lasting rewards of True Love

Every time we “did better” we got praised or rewarded.  We are driven to succeed because we desperately need to know we “good enough”, yet nobody admits, not our parents, teachers, Ministers, Politicians or others, that they are FAR from perfect themselves.  So what cooks here?

Does “being good enough” mean we will also be loved, cherished and adored, on some sliding scale of excellence?  Being loved is a huge reward, not so?  Therefore, if we do not feel loved enough, we secretly fear there is something wrong with us, and suddenly, anxiety becomes my best friend!

Social Anxiety when dating is manageable

We are loved when we are loveable and loving! That is a huge secret in dating – because the “object of your attention” is as anxious as you to please you! Love is simple when you let it past the walls of assumptions, fears and projections of failure. Let’s gift each other by giving assurance, so they feel approved and “safe” when with you, tit for tat. Then love can grow …..or not……time will tell…..

the comfort zone

High social anxiety levels usually mean low relationship success and satisfaction.

Nobody is perfect for us, but someone is RIGHT for us! Staying stuck in a comfort zone is not going to make our dreams come true – we need to extend ourselves beyond our fears and allow new experiences to bring new insights – this leads to self-development as a natural process.

Many happily married couples will tell you they never believed they would fall in love with someone “like this”…..but they did, with time. “Suddenly we realized we just wanted to always be together”.

Logic then means, find someone as a potential heart-love investment, who is right for YOU as a first step!!  Maturity comes when we realize it is humanly impossible to please 100% of the people, 100% of the time.  Accept the human phenomenon that we simply don’t always like each other, and truthfully, who likes that judgmental person ….that arrogant/complex/fearful/negative Mr./Ms. Perfect anyway, they give us more complexes!!  So it is fine to be imperfect, because when we do love each other, LOVE is perfect!

Then we feel safe and approved of and loved, and can even laugh at our foibles, mistakes, imperfections and strangeness, and fall in love in mutual weirdness, as Dr. Seuss says!

It no longer matters that you need to be perfect – you are when you love yourself, and that means also looking after yourself.  Take care of your health mind/body/spirit and make every effort to be as awesome on the outside as you are on the inside, and you may find you are a natural man/woman magnet!!

Good health is the buzz word these days, nobody wants a “faulty” Love Investment that may die on them, get ill, or cause stress when it is totally avoidable……and we all know what causes heart disease, diabetes, cancer, stroke and illness, it is as simple as heeding the warnings we hear every day! Only you can decide on your health levels you want to achieve – for you!

Yes, everybody who knows us loves us, imperfections, warts and all –  do we then expect a stranger to also automatically “love us and accept us the way we are” …….?? Impossible!! The first step is ‘liking’ each other enough to then grow into deeper feelings – where love can blossom. How do we know we ‘like’ someone? By getting to know them a little – never mind the rush of desire or chemistry, although that helps. And yes too, sad but a fact, your ‘visuals’ do help when you are well presented. We all like eye-pleasing moments!!

Your hidden passion and longing for that gorgeous hunk at the gym may be a fantasy, or that stunning blonde/brunette bombshell your private dream girl, but then you are DESIRING a person, not seeking the RIGHT person that binds you in a love bubble, forever!

Sending much love from our hearts to yours, and we do know you are ALL beautiful people! (even if a work in progress, LOL!). Please submit your Personal Profile today and we will respond with an invitation for your free orientation chat!!

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