Shannon, matchmaker and owner of two long-standing dating agencies for serious-minded, smart and professional Singles who prefer personal introductions, shares her advice in today’s blog. Before Singles start dating with new awareness, she often coaches Singles on how to rise above heartache, pain and the after-shock of the tsunami of having been in love with the WRONG person. As a relationship therapist, Shannon guides on the complexities of finding love again with the RIGHT Other and knowing WHO this could possibly be by approaching dating with a good strategy.
It is never just two strangers, Single Man and Single Girl, winking at each other across a room – it is knowing who you are really engaging with, for starters. How do YOU know until it is too late?
Finding Love Again And Why A Date Coach Fast Tracks Sound And Lasting Relationships
We get advice from everyone else on everything else (even investing huge fees for this advice, buying assets, raising children, managing our mental and physical health and wealth, etc), why not then also on the dating scene when seeking a soulmate and understanding YOUR landscape and those new friends you are making too, your MOST important investment of the heart? All lovers did start as friends, it is true!! How do you know when the object of your heart’s longing, investment of emotional gifts and time, are really appreciated or is a keeper?
Exploring a new relationship is one thing, understanding who you are, and who the others are that you are meeting, is another matter! Last week we looked at the basic profiling skill to determine the differences between the extrovert, introvert and ambivert and we had a resounding thank you from many – learning about YOU and the others, is a good start, as it engenders compatibility.
This week we share the excellent material we researched on YouTube on narcissism. So many members have asked over the last few months “what exactly is a narcissist?” or “how do I know I love a narcissist?” or worse “I suck at dating and finding love, why should I even bother?” and we felt we had to do a deeper dive on this aspect of profiling too! We do help many with our own versions, but this is the best advice we have heard in a long time (we research experts from around the world)!
Many members who joined have also manifested with varying degrees of PTSD (yes, a bad relationship can leave you so stressed out you start to freeze, or lose faith, or just feel at odds with life and yourself, and more) and we want to share this vital knowledge – we have never heard it so well put! Post-traumatic stress after a bad relationship rocks us to the foundation! You may even believe you are insane!
It Is Not A Myth, Bad Relationships Can Traumatise, Also Leave A Form Of PTSD
You see, you WILL fall in love with a narcissist!! At some stage of life, you will meet that most awesome, charming, loving and generous bachelor or bachelorette you only ever dreamed of!! The narcissist knows exactly how to get you swooning and will dazzle and suck you in until your heart explodes with joy and adoration, it feels like a fairy tale come true. They CHOOSE YOU, you did not have much choice, it is very flattering and very addictive because they hunt instinctively for what they need and usually get exactly what they want, for many reasons.
The ‘suck’ you up in their grandiosity and you love it, then suddenly they spit you out! Your world crashes. It is human to believe we screwed up! What did we do wrong? Then they tell us exactly what we are doing wrong and what is wrong with us and why we are failures (we all have our insecurities and soon as they have them mapped, wham!).
Then they suck you in again, soon to spit you out again …..each time chipping away at your love, support, kindness, sanity and confidence. After all, they are so perfect, it has to be true…it has to be us (me)….. it is all our fault! It is simply manipulation. And once ‘chosen’ it is very difficult to escape! You are an integral part of their fairy tale and keep you bound to them (usually not the only one as they need a vast ‘fan club’ of adoring admirers), until you find a way out if you can.
Because they always get what they want – until you run, and that means as far and as fast as you can! It takes a long time to run far enough, and sometimes their reach pulls you back. They love you, need you, want you, so you forgive and be the better person – again. The pattern repeats ……until you close the door and are immune and far out of reach. They can be so addictive it is almost like breaking a drug habit. Not easy!! Hence these videos are so helpful.
If You Love A Narcissist At Least Learn How Best To Survive
You may decide to stay with your narcissist…that is your choice…here are some tips on survival that may save your life…no kidding.
These are truly shattering and very true videos, much more fun to listen to than us explaining here…and do we REALLY know for sure, well you will once you hear this shocking advice…so if you are wondering, please take time over the next week to listen to each video to the end. If you have ever been the victim of a narcissist, even if not aware what the truth was and still doubting your sanity, you will feel immensely better about YOU!!
It is assumed here that men are mainly narcissists, but it actually can be either gender, and ladies also manifest with these traits – they just are more subtle and covert…because if they resort to bullying a man will run like a rabbit (or fold like a puppet), and that is not how the fairy tale is supposed to end…to avoid then being an eternal player in their game, get out before it is too late, enjoy the narratives!
Love Your Narcissist? Make Him Stay, Depend on You (Tips, Resolutions)
Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion – His Resurrection
We wish all those awesome and hopeful Singles dating up a storm out there love and light from our hearts to yours…speak to us before it is too late and you give up on the really beautiful and rewarding new love that awaits. Please complete and submit the Personal Profile on the CONTACT US page. Standing by and looking forward to hearing from you!
Shannon and the Team