Dating is Hard

Shannon has been researching all the issues around dating/relating/mating. After chatting to a very successful relationship coach in Cape Town, Eytan Nafte, he decided to share his views on these volatile issues.

Dating Advice For Single Men Seeking Love

Eytan also agrees that single men seeking new and lasting love are just as nervous and vulnerable as the fairer sex! He specializes in assisting men to succeed in the dating game and find lasting love, and his expertise had helped many guys understand the female psyche and love language.

Our genuine bachelors are sadly neglected when it comes to finding expert advice and guidelines to successful dating as it is assumed that men are traditionally “the hunter” and have acquired all the skills and experience they need……and that is a myth!

That First Date Can Be Make Or Break!

When the lady in mind scratches beneath the surface, what is she going to find? Something about her inspired you to engage with her, right? Now what? What are possible red flags she is watching for? You want to impress – here are some first steps in the right direction.

First Date Nerves And Winning Her Approval

After having donned your finest cloth and splashed your expensive cologne, your car is squeaky clean, reservations made and you are on time. You are dressed to be impressed and on your best behaviour, ready to meet the woman who might just become the most significant person in your life.

Some things will reveal yourself to her in ways you might not be aware of.

There is a wise biblical teaching which explains this well; it says a woman should look for three things when considering a marriage:

• How is he with money?
• How does he behave when he is drunk?
• What does he do with his anger?

Eytan starts on the first item: how is he with money? How does it demonstrate his general approach when it comes to money? Does he flash it? Does he share it? Is he generous of heart and does he reward equally with appreciation?

A Matchmaker Will Only Introduce Compatible Singles

Your matchmaker will ensure you are on the same wavelength when it comes to finances: earning it, saving it, using it to reward yourself and share your abundance.

It is only natural to establish from the start what your financial status is, your profession and prospects for a fulfilling shared future, but that is just the surface.

Just recently, I was standing around the fire cooking meat, as men do on Sundays. The young man I was speaking to began to explain to me what he does to get his waiters to give him excellent service. He places a large bill on the table and explains to the waiter that the money is his, but for each mistake, he makes during the meal the amount will be reduced.

I tried my best to offer my new friend an alternative way of achieving his goal, the best customer service on offer, by using the same large bill with kindness as opposed to control. Perhaps an alternative conversation would be, “This bill is yours! I am looking forward to your best service tonight!”. I would wager that kindness would work every time, both on the waiter and on your date.

When it comes to money, she wants to know how you use it as opposed to how much you have of it.

Social Behaviour When Dating And Alcohol Is Flowing

When the wine enters the mix, the secrets emerge.
Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Yes, she wants to know if you have an alcohol problem. Assuming you don’t, the next thing she wants to know is how you behave after you have been drinking. This may sound obvious but can more often than not be shoved under the carpet of social acceptance.

So, how do you behave when you drink? Do you become rude? Or funny? Is that where your confidence comes from? Do your eyes roam the room for the next shiny object in a sexy dress, or do you start professing your great love to her. Alcohol reveals us and exposes us. Your date would be wise to know the underbelly of the man she intends to marry.

In anger, you

(A)…

(B)…

(C)…

(D) all of the above

As men, we struggle with anger and rage. We tend to hold it inside with no way of knowing or measuring how to and when to let it out. Within our anger lies our power and it is our responsibility as men to own, harness and control this primal, inner force.

What she wants to know is, do you explode or implode? Are you terrified of your rage? Does it happen regularly and at random intervals, or is it a slow and constant simmer that runs through your day and defines your mood?

Staying In Love Despite The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

Relationships and marriage are hard because if you find a woman of equal fighting weight, she will be strong enough to mirror you. She sees you. The good, the bad and the ugly. She is capable of loving the parts of you that are truly loveable and live with the parts of you that are simply not.

She holds you so that you can come to love, accept and forgive yourself in the same way. Our journey together is one of intimacy – you see into me and I into you. I trust you to hold this mirror for me, and I will hold a mirror for you and together we will individuate into the best versions of ourselves.

When on your next date be aware of the unseen messages you may be sending. Be authentic and be honestly yourself. You are good enough! Sit opposite her with this in mind, and the superficial and external melts away. If you choose and if you’re lucky, you might find a new dialogue with the woman who will be your partner on this holy journey of self-discovery.

Contact us today by completing and submitting your personal profile. We will contact you for a free orientation chat on how our matchmaking service works, and if you need to talk to Eytan, he is right here and we can connect you.

Read next blog “Do I Suck at Dating?” and Dating Apps, Dating Sites and the Trusty old Matchmaker